Refinishing 1943 Hardwood Floors, LOTS of pics!

I'm basically a hardcore DIY'er, (that's what I tell myself, anyhow) by now I'm sure you all know that. I've embarked on almost every remodeling project that this house could possibly handle in the last year and a half. This house was built in 1943. It was really well maintained, but it was plain. In my eyes, it was a blank canvas just BEGGING for me to unleash my creativity on it. Remodeling as a DIY'er was going to be easy, I was just SO sure of that, after all, I had YouTube and Pintrest and Google. Along the way, and throughout many large projects (cutting out walls, remodeling a kitchen, installing new plumbing, etc) I had to admit, remodeling wasn't easy at all. It is very worth it, and that is probably the only reason I find myself taking on project after project here.

My most recent project, was refinishing the original hardwood floors from 1943! These beauties were covered by awful ugly office type carpet, and I was nervous at first, because we weren't sure what we were going to find under the carpet. 

We found many spots where there was scratches, spray paint, dirt, and even old linoleum adhesive caked on the floors. By the entryway, there were black peel-and-stick vinyl tiles that had to be scraped up with a scraper and they left a horrible amount of sticky residue on the wood. It took my daughter and myself 3 hours to get these tiles off of the floor, and then I had to use almost a gallon of mineral spirits to get the sticky adhesive off. I also spent WAY too long with my little palm sander trying to get all of the white spray paint off of the floors before I accepted defeat and decided to rent the square buff sander from Home Depot. It was $39 for 4 hours, so that was worth saving my back. We moved all of the furniture out to the garage at that point.

  About a year ago, I had a ductless heat pump installed in the house (an HVAC company did that one, don't worry.) We have no air ducts since this house is so old, so prior to the ductless heat pump, there were baseboard heaters. In Washington State, there is also pretty much no air conditioning in any of the homes, so it was a bonus that the heat pump was for heating AND cooling. The HVAC company disabled the power to these when they used that breaker for the heat pump a year ago, so my husband was able to remove these finally now that we had an excuse to make a mess! Taking these 3 bulky metal heaters off will open up the room, and make it look more updated.

After sanding, we decided to stain. we chose a color called "espresso," but learned that you should not stain with a lambs wool applicator, (even when the lady at Lowe's INSISTS you use that) because it goes on too thick, no matter how much you try to stretch it thin. It sure looked pretty, but it was sticky, and even after 3 days it would not fully absorb or dry. This was frustrating for us, because removing that sticky layer meant adding MORE stain to the floor to "loosen" the sticky parts, and then wiping it all down again, essentially, starting over. These pictures are from the "sticky phase"

 We finally got all of the sticky stain off of the floor, after using and ruining ALL of my dish towels (but thanks honey for the whole new set of dish towels to make up for it!!) After that, the floor just felt really... damp? It's hard to describe. It wasn't sticky anymore, but it was not like normal wood. I ran my hand across it and felt a dust that reminded me of that kinetic sand that kids play with. Ewwwwwww.

Once again, we ventured to Home Depot, to rent the floor sander. I had to return an hour after starting for 36 grit paper, and lots of it. This time around, the sand pads were gunking up beyond belief! I cant believe what that sticky stain left on the floor. It took a LOT of time to get all of that off again, and by this time, I was starting to wonder why people like hardwoods over laminate.

I expected it, but we were left with a lot of stain still in the grain and crevices. The more I looked at that bare floor, and all of those lines and grain swirls, the more I loved the contrast. After all, they sell laminate floors that are made to look rustic, exactly like what I had in front of me. I decided to run with it. On the areas where there wasn't as much grain contrast, I used a Q-tip and stain to darken the grain. it looked completely natural and you can't even tell I had to do that. When we were satisfied with the grain contrast, we decided we would not be staining again, but just applying our polyurethane directly to it!


Polyurethane takes 2-3 coats, and gets sanded between each coat. This is a lot of work, but we jumped in.



Time for poly!

 The first coat went on without a hitch. it was drying nicely, and all was going well. The only hiccup we had was my 5 year old deciding to run across it at one point when it was mostly dry, it left only a small shoe print. The print sanded out perfectly when I was prepping for coat number 2. I used 220 grit, on a pole applicator rather than the big floor sander again. It was just easier for a light sanding.

Now the 2nd coat was where the magic happened!My color became so much more rich, and the floor was a perfect satin sheen. Polyurethane is not nearly as scary as stain, because it has binding agents in it designed to make it "dry" unlike stain, that is designed to only absorb. This meant thick coats were perfectly ok for this part of the process!

Now we just have to fill in the baseboards where the heaters were, paint the walls where the heaters were, repaint the baseboards white, and add the extra trim we bought for the baseboards. We are so close to done, but not there yet, so here are a few comparison pics, keeping in mind that we are not done yet.


It really is hard to believe that this is the same home it was a year and a half ago. And this is only ONE of the projects we have embarked on. <3

I will update when we finish :)

Dear Anxiety

I know it's been said time and time again, but having anxiety is terrible. Its a level of terrible that only YOU can feel, inside your body, that no one else seems to grasp. I'm not saying it's as bad as cancer obviously, but just because there are WORSE conditions out there doesn't mean that we aren't allowed to point out the struggle in what we (we with anxiety) deal with.

Anxiety can literally ruin an otherwise good experience for someone. For example, myself, my husband and my 2 children went to the drive in theater to see the new Pirates movie. This is a drive in that is particularly busy on opening nights. They have a huge playground set up in the very front of each screen for kids to utilize while we await the movie. We were parked about 10 rows back from the playground, and my husband and kids got out of the car to head to the playground. I was in the passenger seat, and was looking around at all of the people and vehicles around us before I realized that I had no idea where my husband and kids had gone. I stared at the playground in the distance, and couldn't seem to locate them. I knew they were down there, but there were also a million other people and children down there.

I couldn't get out of the car. It was like a paralyzing fear of having to "wander aimlessly" with people looking at me, that kept me stuck in the passenger seat of my empty mini van. I pep-talked myself at least 10 times, all ending with me feeling like a small vulnerable fish in a very large tank of sharks.

That's how it feels though. sometimes, even when no one else can see an issue, it's an issue for us. My brain has triggers that signal a self preservation instinct, and all of the sudden I am avoiding crowds, overthinking situations, and playing scenario after scenario over in my head. Anxiety causes us to feel the need to be prepared for any and all possible situations, just in case. something as simple as going to the park could potentially have so many situations, and my brain feels the need to be prepared for ALL OF THEM. Anxiety forces us to plan, and plan, and plan again. We need plans for our plans, and a 4 year plan, and a just in case plan, and a plan C, D, and E.

When its quiet, I often find myself playing situations that have happened over and over in my head, but picturing how the outcome would've been if I had done something slightly different. It feels like you're obsessing over a past situation, but in reality you are just trying to find a sense of control over the situation. I do this when I'm folding laundry, washing dishes, or even vacuuming. My brain just sort of goes on auto-pilot and over analyzes past situations to make sure I didn't do or say something wrong unintentionally. The next thing I know, I am feeling overwhelmed with all of the possibilities and it feels like my world is falling apart and that I am failing at life. It suddenly feels like everything is crashing down on me at once.

What if? What if I get to this birthday party, and none of the other parents talk to me? What if I look like a loner? What if I drop my slice of cake on their carpet by accident and they all stare at me? What if there are thousands of other people there? What if I am dressed completely wrong for this event?! We feel the need to be prepared for ALL of these situations, and it is easy to become overwhelmed and suddenly not want to go... Or you want to, but you just can't... You want to get up, and you CAN'T. Suddenly 30 minutes has passed and you realize that you might not be able to tackle this one...

Me: We will enjoy this birthday party
Anxiety: You sure it wasn't just a pity invite?
Me: I want to go, they want me to go.
Anxiety: You were pity invited. They're hoping you don't show up.
Me: Well.....
Anxiety: A nap sounds better anyhow, trust me.
Me: ....Kay.....

Being a mom with anxiety is particularly hard. I feel like I let my kids down when I don't talk to other parents at their school or at the park. Talking to strangers is scary. I see the parents all clustered up in their groups, and I just stand there by myself waiting on the class to come outside. How do these parents know each other? No one appears to be extending a smile or visual invite to myself, so it must be ME. Something must be wrong with me, right? Do my kids have less friends because I am not hanging out with these people on weekends or during the summer? Does my anxiety make them resent me? I am blessed to have a wonderful husband who does not have anxiety, and he eases my stress in places where I find myself overwhelmed. I want to gather the courage to walk up to a crowd and say hi without being awkward, but once again, I physically can't. I feel frozen in place, heart beating fast, panicking inside.

Honestly, no post out there could really tell you what its like to have anxiety when it is so different to each person. I sometimes forget that there are actually people out there who don't feel like this regularly, what is that even like? Is it freeing? They must be happy and carefree, right? I don't know, I've never gotten the opportunity to not have anxiety. I make the most out of what I can each day with anxiety and I don't feel like I have a terrible life. I also don't ever want pity for it, just compassion sometimes because it really is a jumblefuck of emotions in my head all at once, and we do our best. If you do not have anxiety, talk to the person at the park who appears shy. They very well could be desperate for conversation but frozen with nerves. Lets all try to make this world feel a little more like a community. We all have differences, but we are all still people.

Bold Fruity Instant Pot Tea

Well folks, summer is in 6 weeks and I think we just FINALLY have springtime weather here  in Washington state. I think someone forgot to tell the ground hog when spring started, because it was rainy and cold way longer than normal out here. 

It was a rough winter to say the least. I spent a lot of this last winter feeling inadequate and criticizing myself for being human, and making human mistakes (gaining a little of the weight I lost back.) I'll tell you what, it's exhausting being so hard on yourself, and I spent months doing nothing else but beating myself up for being human. 

Fast forward a little bit, I finally started to see some improvement in myself, and I was feeling happy when life just threw curve ball after curve ball at me. My personality was too sensitive for my job, some of my close friends proved to have never wanted friendship all along, and being a mom was it's usual basket of trials that left me wondering how I was supposed to make lemonade out of these lemons. Thanks life. 

Well, it turns out, I made tea instead, and I didn't need the lemons that life gave me to make the best out of my situation. The sun still came up, I was still alive and healthy, and although it felt like everything that could go wrong was going wrong, I still have a wonderful husband and kids. I decided it was time to pick myself up, and choose to be happier. 

I started doing yoga 4 days ago. Yeah, seriously. So in my 4 days as a newbie to yoga, I've learned to slow down and, well, to calm the fuck down. Pardon my language. I predict a lot of yoga and robust, fruity teas this summer while I enjoy the moments I live in. 

Have ever had Starbucks Passion tea? It's a red tea that is sweet, fruity, summery, and $3 Everytime you want it. That's not such a big price until your husband is like "Wait you got it twice today? Or did they charge us twice?" (I love you dear, don't add up the total for the month.)

I really enjoy tea honestly. I think I get most of my water content from herbal and fruity teas, and they're good for more than just feeling fancy. I'm sure you've heard about the antioxidants, and positive effects of tea. Id be more specific but if we are being honest, I don't know a more detailed description. So tea is good, that's what I know.

I decided to use my instant pot to see if I could get that "sun tea" taste and I believe I just did it! I used 1/4 cup of Private Selection brand Forest Fruit loose leaf tea, and 1/4 cup of Berry and Ancient Flower loose leaf tea (same brand) and added it to 1 gallon of water in my instant pot. I threw in 3 Mango Passion fruit tea bags from the brand Stash, because I was feeling confident. I set my IP to manual high pressure, 10 minutes. I quick released after that and it was like the longest pressure release everrrrrrrr, but the smell was so fruity. I mixed in my swerve sweetner to taste (about 1/4 cup for the whole gallon) and then strained it all into a pitcher.

At this point, pour it over ice, and add some frozen fruit because we are fancy like that. Hellooooo tea. Yes please. 

When Life Gives You 30 Pounds Back...

Good evening everyone!

I wanted to update you all, as so many things in my life have changed since the last time you heard from me. I lost 100 pounds, we all remember that, right?

In April 2016, I turned 26 years old, and was struggling for the previous few months to find the balance of nutrition, the gym, and life as a mother while my husband was deployed. I had bought a home right before my husband left, and he never got the chance to see it before leaving. Buying a house with Power of Attorney is a LOT of signing! Nevertheless, I was swamped, and had to move a household of stuff on my own without my husband, switch my children's schools, adjust to a home which I was remodeling without him, and somehow still go to the gym to maintain my health. 

I have anxiety and depression, and I wish I could tell you that it isn't that bad, however it affects me everyday. When I am busy, I manage it pretty well and I am able to to keep it all at bay, but when I get those quiet nights to sit in bed and overthink things, my world can feel turned upside down very quickly. Most of the time, I am not on anti-depressants, because I can usually tell when my feelings are "anxiety caused" or caused by real logic. Knowing the difference doesn't make the feelings go away though unfortunately, and sometimes it's torture. 

 I began getting overwhelmed with life and had so many things on my plate in 2016, that I fell off track nutritionally, and took a "break" from the gym. I ate terribly because I felt terrible, and I felt terrible because I ate terrible. I know better than most that binge eating doesn't solve my problems, and that I will only feel worse in the end, but that didn't seem to be enough to knock reality back into my head. I hated myself. I avoided the gym even more because I was gaining weight. How could someone who was certified as a personal trainer and fitness nutritionist fall off track? How could someone with so many followers let them down? I was drowning while trying to be everyone else's anchor. These were the moments when anxiety and depression took over and left me isolated at home, questioning my worth. 

Time passed, and I had gained 30 pounds total. That may not seem like much to some, but it was a large backslide for me. I stopped posting on Facebook because I needed to get my mind back in the right place, and more than that, I didn't want anyone to see me that way. I was so ashamed of myself. Once again, my body image was making me feel like less of a person, and my weight was the deciding factor in my own happiness. 

It took some time, but when my husband returned home he was a tremendous help which allowed my stress to lower significantly. I was still struggling with my body image, and decided that it was time I just faced it all and fixed my slip up. I prayed. I needed clarity as badly as I needed to breathe, and it was time I asked for it. It felt better to just unload my thoughts, fears, and shortcomings out loud. I am not one to push beliefs on anyone, or even preach my own for that matter because they are so personal to me, however I have to admit, it was a blessing I needed. I started to notice more clarity, and the ability to put my anxieties aside while waiting for their "episode" to be over.

I began going back to the gym, and eating ketogenic soon after. I knew that my anxieties were always worse when they were fueled by sugar. So many previous binge eating episodes had proven that for me. I understand that it seems backwards to not eat more than 20g of carbs per day to the average person, but believe me when I say I have ALWAYS put an enormous amount of studying and research behind my choices in life. My ketogenic lifestyle is exactly that, mine. It keeps my insulin levels steady and low, and I can think without being riddled with anxiety and depression. More importantly, people like to put down people who choose to live low carb simply because they read something on the internet, or they think they know, or they know someone, who knows someone, who said its bad for you. The short moral here, is that unless you buy my food, you don't get to decide how I choose to nourish my body. (I'll give you more info on my keto lifestyle in another post.) I lost 100 pounds once, I can lose a whopping 30 again. 

Life can certainly take over, and its hard to get back up sometimes when you feel like you have fallen down and life has chained you to the ground. The thing you have to remember, is that you can get back up. It is most certainly scary, and its so hard to face it when you feel like the world expects you to be perfect. I am not perfect. I fell down, and I backslid because I was overwhelmed with life. It is ok to fall down, you just cant unpack and live there, and most importantly, you shouldn't feel like you are going to be shamed for making mistakes. 

I hope you all can take something away from my blogs. On social media its easy to think someone who you admire is "perfect" but I am just a normal human being, who set out to accomplish something amazing, and succeeded. I am also a human being who has normal life stress and struggles and occasionally has to be told how to adult when I fall down. I hope 2017 brings you all many victories, I know there are a few surprises we have up our sleeves for this year! <3

With Love, Sarie Bronish

Who is the Most Beautiful Person? Click to Find out

You.
Seriously, its you.
You should go look in the mirror, right now, and smileeeeeee. Can't smile? Try making "angry eyebrows" at yourself in the mirror while tucking your lips up out of the way. Yeah, thats what I thought.  :)

Share this with someone who could use a smile <3

Prisoner of Your Own Mind

Good morning fitness nation. I come to you all today with a very different post. A very dark post.

We have all read about depression and anxiety, and how many people fall into it. We saw Robin Williams die because of it. It can be a very scary place, and its excruciating to try and understand it. There are a huge number of other invisible illnesses which are similar, like OCD, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, and even eating disorders that you cant always see on someone from the outside. What happens when a few or more of these are all wrapped up inside the same body though? I am going to do my best, to describe what it feels like to be me, but not the happy, outgoing part of me; the dark, sad, part of me that gets locked away because I am afraid of her.... Ashamed of her.... Tired of her.

I love being motivational. I love every minute of lifting up the spirits of others, and helping others shine within their own bodies. I thrive off of the compassion and sunshine that I have for others, and sometimes, I give so much to others, that I don't have any compassion left at the end of the day for myself. When the sun goes down, the monster comes out. This is the other part of Sarie, that is sad, and confused. She feels inadequate, and angry. This is the part of Sarie that was put on an anti-depressant at 8 years old.

As far back as I can remember, I have had body image issues. As an 8 year old, I remember going to the pool with my family, and looking around, wondering if I could get from the table wrapped in my towell, into the water, before anyone saw me in my swimsuit. I wondered if I could walk all the way into the pool, and simultaneously slip off my towel, and then throw it back over to the table, so that no one would see me. I remember these thoughts, clear as day.... and I was a CHILD! I didn't even have boobs yet, and I felt FAT. What kind of world do we live in, where a CHILD is more worried about her body, than splashing around in the pool on a hot day?

As an adult, it only escalated. I had learned to lock away these feelings, and ignore them. I gained weight because I did not know how to handle my emotions, and I ate because I was sad and I was sad because I was gaining weight. The cycle began, and kept up until I topped out at 240 pounds. My weight was the elephant in the room... Nobody dared mention it because that was like pulling the pin on a grenade, and all of those years of bottled up feelings were just BEGGING to be released.

I had that "AHA" moment, several years later, and as a result, I lost weight. I studied and studied and studied everything I could find on nutrition, and the body, and metabolism. I jumped with my eyes shut, head first into this idea of obtaining perfection, because I was grasping threads at the idea that it was attainable. I felt better, I looked better, and I appeared better overall from the outside. Unfortunately, I still had years of bottled up body image issues that I was refusing to handle. The closer I got to my goal, the happier I looked on the outside, but the heavier I felt inside. I would stand in front of the mirror at night, and wonder why I was still NOT PERFECT. Why was there still cellulite on my thighs? Why did I still have saddlebags? Why did my thighs still touch in the middle? It felt like a slap in the face to have come so far, yet to still not be "perfect."

I began obsessing over things in my head. I was officially MORE unhappy than I was when I was obese. My body image was devouring me from the inside out, and I couldn't swim my way out of the whirlpool of my own emotions no matter how hard I tried. I was terrified of myself...

I would DREAD the nighttime hours, because that's when "she" would attack... Telling me that I wasn't good enough to be a role model, and that I didn't look the part. I would cry in front of the mirror, and wonder why everyone else thought I looked so good when I couldn't see anything but body fat and cellulite. I was BEGGING for it to stop. By day, I was rational, and logical, and by night, I was someone else entirely. The few people who I mentioned my insecurities to, would always respond with "Oh, but you look great" or "you look fine" or something of the sort which would light an unholy fire of fury in my veins. I wasn't looking for a pity compliment, I was trying to express my feelings and hope someone would simply understand them rather than invalidate them, regardless if they made sense. So I stopped talking. I was my own worst enemy, and critic, and I was destroying myself from the inside out, all because of body image issues that I couldn't handle on my own. Do you know how hard it is to ask for help when YOU are the one people look up to? I was in denial, because I didn't want anyone to be able to tell me that I wasn't a good person, or that I wasn't cut out for this role of being inspirational - which again, I LOVE. I was so afraid that asking for help would mean that I would lose everything I had worked so hard to build. I was terrified that everything I had come to love, would crumble, so I kept locking my darker self away, and pretending I was fine.

The truth is, I'm not fine. I am ME, and that is all I ever will be, and all I can ever expect to be. I am BOTH someone who has had great success inspiring others, and someone who occasionally needs to BE inspired. Being able to talk to someone about body image issues has taken far more than the weight I've lost off of my shoulders. I am human, and I struggle with a few of those invisible disorders above... But they do not make me any less of a REAL person. The things I post are TRUE, and honest, and they come from the part of me that thrives and loves and smiles. The other part of me is being worked on, because I decided that it was time, enough was enough. I decided that it was silly to think that asking for help would make me weak.

The reason for this post, is not to dissect my inner thoughts or ask for attention, but rather to simply prove that what you see on the outside of someone is not EVERYTHING. You only see what they WANT you to see, and sometimes people NEED compassion and kindness even when you would never have guessed that. Be an ear when someone needs one, because its HARD as heck to open up when you aren't even sure what you're saying. Many of the feelings we have inside don't make sense, and a little love really goes a long way. For now, that is all. Be kind folks, and have a blessed day.

:)

I Just Want to Feel Beautiful...

Lets get a little personal today Fitness nation... ok?

All women want to feel beautiful. We secretly crave those words. We analyze other women, and wonder how they were so lucky to be so naturally beautiful... We make faces in the mirror, and pose, and try our hardest to fit a mold we created for ourselves based off of what we see in others.

It's tough honestly. There are days when I feel like I don't even want people to see me, because I feel less than mediocre no matter how hard I try to gussy up. We spend hundreds of dollars on make up over our lifetime, and hair products, and we use filters on our selfies because we want someone to think we are beautiful. We want to be adored by someone. We just want to be loved, even if it is only for superficial reasons, because at least that way, we aren't invisible.

Why is it that when I look in the mirror at myself, I see plain, boring me? Why is it that when I look at other women, I see beauty which I feel like I wasn't blessed with? Why is my smile crooked? Why do I have this crazy frizz ball of hair, but she has smooth perfect hair? Why is her butt so perfect naturally, when I actually WORK for that look and I don't have it? Don't I deserve it too? Did I piss karma off or something? Being a woman means all of these things, admit it or not.

With these thoughts in mind, I do put make up on. I put make up on because of these thoughts, and because I am just like every other woman... I crave that feeling of beauty. I want it. I want to achieve it, and I'm never quite sure why I feel like I fall short of that... I will tell you one thing though, I work EXTREMELY hard to have a positive attitude, a compassionate heart, and an inspiring spirit, because I hope all of these things will make up for where I think I fall short, in terms of beauty.

I know many women beat themselves up far too often, because they desire this level of perfection that just isn't possible. Have you ever noticed that you think other women are beautiful, yet you don't see it in yourself? Do you honestly think you are the only woman who thinks this way? I am willing to bet the woman next to you is looking at you, seeing beauty that you can't see, and she cant see it in herself just the same. We need to stop being so hard on ourselves, because it destroys our confidence. We need to do things that make us happy, and in return let that happiness show. We need to be comfortable in our own skin, and if that means accepting your body as is, then do it! If that means becoming healthier, do it! We need to make sure to empower others, so that they will not forget what we see in them, because no one wants to feel this way all of the time. Can you imagine a world where every woman felt beautiful and smiled as bright as the burning sun? Tell someone today that she is beautiful, even if you don't know her. Remind someone you love that they are more than they see themselves as. You might be the brightness they needed on their cloudy day.

Have a great day everyone!!! You are all beautiful!!